you want the truth?
no, I didn’t mean it when I said I loved you.
If I could replace every “i love you”
with “I could love you but maybe later”
but I would have never loved you,
I never wanted to.
I liked fucking you
because I felt no emotion.
it just felt like you were erasing something in me.
we were easy.
I didn’t have to lose sleep thinking about
your crooked little smile
and I didn’t have to lose my thoughts
to the way you pour your coffee.
I didn’t love you
and I know you didn’t love me either.
it was just easy to say,
like saying I love you was saying sorry.
the truth is
there’s plenty of fish in the sea
but for some reason
I keep catching you.
I think once you’ve thought about how a person sleeps, how they’d feel pressed up against your back, or your head on their chest, how compatible your bodies would be in the same space of a bed — once you’ve thought about that, you’re fucked.